Archive for October, 2009

There are times when all of us get into the “poor me” mindset.  My house isn’t big enough, my kids aren’t good enough, my partner isn’t attentive enough, my job isn’t fulfilling enough.  Somehow, it’s easy to see that glass as half empty.  At the time that we’re doing that complaining, we are overlooking some seriously important and wonderful parts of our lives.

Maybe your house isn’t as large as you’d like, but the fact that you HAVE a house is something to be grateful for, especially in this rough economy.  Maybe your children don’t always behave as well as you’d like them to, but there are lots of people who would give anything just to be able to have a child, so how fortunate are you?  Your partner isn’t attentive enough?  Did it ever occur to you to be thankful that you have a partner who cares about you, and that you aren’t having to deal with lifes’ ups and down all alone?  So your job isn’t quite what you’d like it to be.  In a time of massive layoffs and people going hungry or losing their homes because they no longer have a paycheck, you DO!  Be grateful for that.

You see where I’m going with this.  Instead of complaining about what you  don’t have and how flawed your life is, how about working on appreciating what you DO have?  REALLY appreciating it!  Even better, how about learning to look for all the little gifts that life gives us, and realizing how precious they are?

Life gives us gifts every single day, but if you aren’t looking for them, and don’t recognize them as gifts, you’re losing out.

I have found out that for me personally, the little gifts never have anything to do with money or prosperity or anything like thabirdt.  The gifts are smaller and more subtle.  There is nothing that I like better than waking up to birds singing right outside my bedroom window.  I can’t take that beautiful birdsong to the bank, but I can certainly appreciate how much the song brightens my day.

Another small gift that I love is the sound of raindrops on my roof.  There is something deeply relaxing about the sound, something that makes me look forward to those rainy days in a way I never did before.

I have learned to recognize many gifts in my life, and recognizing them as gifts enhances the quality of my life.  I have three spoiled and wonderful cats that I love.  Having one of them crawl into my lap and look up at me adoringly is always a gift.  I live far from my family, so a phone call from my son or my sister is always a gift too.  Dinner with an old and treasured friend…an unexpected card, letter or package…time in the bookstore with my daughter, who thinks as I do and believes the bookstore to be a perfect place to be.  So many gifts that I’m truly glad I haven’t missed noticing.

If you find that you have trouble seeing the gifts in your own life, maybe the tapping script below will help.

Tapping Script For Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

Setup Phrases – Karate chop:

Eyebrow: I don’t always notice the good things in my life
Outside eye: Even if they’re right in front of my eyes
Under eye: I don’t always realize how much I have to be grateful for
Under nose: But I always seem to notice the things to complain about
Chin: Wouldn’t it be nice if I recognized all those good things?
Collar bone: Maybe it’s time to start looking at life with new eyes
Under arm: So that I can see all the gifts that come my way
Top of head: And appreciate every one of them!

Eyebrow: There are miracles happening around me every day
Outside eye: If I’ll only open my eyes to them
Under eye: If the sun is shining and the birds are singing
Under nose: Those are miracles worth recognizing
Chin: If I have a roof over my head and food in my stomach
Collar bone: That’s a lot to be grateful for
Under arm: People around me that care about me are an incredible gift
Top of head: I’m so happy to be seeing all the gifts in my life.

Eyebrow: I really do have a lot to be grateful for
Outside eye: And I feel so much better now that I’ve recognized that
Under eye: Feeling more and more grateful for the blessings in my life
Under nose: Thank you, thank you, thank you for the people around me
Chin: So grateful for the blue sky, the white fluffy clouds and the shining sun
Collar bone: So happy to face each day with a smile instead of a frown
Under arm: I’ve made a choice in my life
Top of head: And I’m choosing an attitude of gratitude for all my blessings.

Visit my website at Seeking Serenity.


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Forgiveness can be a contentious topic.  When someone has wronged you, and you’re carrying a lot of hurt and anger at that person, others around you will tell you that you need to forgive.

Forgiveness means different things to different people.  To some, forgiving means absolving someone of guilt for something they have done.  For many others, including myself, forgiveness does not mean that you’re saying that the person who hurt you is absolved of guilt.  It means that you realize that in order to live your life, you need to emotionally let go of what may have been holding you back.

Forgiveness is really about getting yourself to a place where you can release the negative emotions that you have about selfforgivenesssomeone, because you’ve made the choice to no longer let what they did be a burden to you.  There can be tremendous relief in forgiveness.

I’ve found that it’s much more difficult to figure out how to forgive yourself.  We all have things in our past for which we hold ourselves accountable.  Sometimes there is a genuine reason for that feeling of accountability, and at other times we get into the “self blame game”.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I spent twelve years in a horribly abusive marriage.  Both of my children were forced to endure what went on in my home because I was too afraid to leave.  Even though I had been divorced for years, the feeling of guilt about what my kids were exposed to was still there.

Although my failure to leave was the cause of much unhappiness for my children, the fact is that it was a long time ago, and I couldn’t do a darn thing to change the past.  All I could do was work on making the future as good as it could be.  There was no longer a point to me holding onto all that guilt and self blame, but I couldn’t seem to let go of it.

Then I found EFT!

If you find yourself holding on to guilt and self blame, and you’re in a place where you’re having difficulty forgiving yourself, why not give the script below a try? It might help you to feel a whole lot better!

Tapping Script For Forgiving Yourself

Setup – Karate chop:

  • Even though I’ve done some things in my life that I just can’t seem to forgive myself for, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
  • Even though I feel like I can’t let myself off the hook for some of the things I’ve done, and I keep beating myself up about it, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
  • Even though I realize that of all the people in my life that I need to forgive, I need to forgive myself the most, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself, and I’m ready to start working toward forgiving me.

Eyebrow: I feel so guilty about some of the things that I’ve done
Outside eye: And the way that I might have hurt the people I love
Under eye: Even though the hurt was unintentional
Under nose: I can’t seem to let go of the guilt about causing it
Chin: It makes me feel like I’m not a very nice person
Collar bone: And maybe I’m not even worth forgiving
Under arm: I could forgive anyone else in my life
Top of head: But I can’t seem to forgive myself.

Eyebrow: Carrying around all that guilt
Outside eye: Makes me keep beating myself up
Under eye: But maybe it’s time to start letting go of the guilt
Under nose: And recognizing that I deserve forgiveness
Chin: Starting to release some of that guilt, a little at a time
Collar bone: In a way that feels safe and comfortable for me
Under arm: Opening my heart to the idea
Top of head: That I need to forgive myself, just as I’d forgive anyone else.

Eyebrow: Continuing to release that guilt and self blame
Outside eye: Acknowledging that I was just doing the best I could
Under eye: Letting go of the feeling that I can’t forgive myself
Under nose: And embracing a feeling of forgiveness
Chin: Allowing myself to feel compassion for the person I am
Collar bone: As I continue to release those feelings of guilt
Under arm: Transforming the last of the guilt and self blame
Top of head: Into an energy of healing and forgiveness.

It is my pleasure to offer a free MP3 download of this script. Get your MP3 tap along here!

Download the FREE ebook Tapping Away Your Problems: Seeking Serenity.

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Divorce is traumatic. Having been through it personally, I can speak to the fact that even if you are ending a terrible marriage, there is still trauma and grieving. You may not be grieving the reality of your marriage, but rather grieving the death of all your hopes and dreams..what you hoped your marriage would become.

When I ended a twelve year disaster of a marriage with divorce, I never expected to feel anything except relief that it was finally over with. I was shocked and dismayed to find that I felt a deep sadness over what my marriage might have become and never did.

Anyone who marries hopes for a happy and fulfilling relationship and a loving partner. My dreams were no different than anyone elses. We all want that happy ending. My marriage was so bad that getting a divorce saved my sanity, and probably saved my life, but in spite of that I grieved.

At the time of my divorce, I had never heard of EFT, so I toughed it out, and leaned on friends, family and coworkers to get me through the rough times. Knowing what I know now about EFT, I wish that it had been a part of my life back then, because I know it could have made a huge difference in my life.

The tapping script below is dedicated to all who are now going through a divorce, or have recently been though one, and still are feeling that deep sadness over the death of their marriage.

Tapping Script For Dealing With a Divorce

Setup – Karate chop:

Eyebrow: I’m feeling so sad about my divorce
Outside eye: I wanted to have a happy marriage
Under eye: I wanted to live happily ever after
Under nose: But my marriage was miserable
Chin: It’s painful going through a divorce
Collar bone: Even when you know it’s the right thing to do
Under arm: I feel so sad about what might have been
Top of head: And now that will never happen.

Eyebrow: Even though I know in my heart that my marriage is over
Outside eye: It’s still hard to let go of all my hope and dreams
Under eye: My heart hoped that we’d be together forever
Under nose: But there was no way that could be
Chin: It’s time to start letting go of all that sadness that I feel
Collar bone: Breathing out that sadness with each breath I take
Under arm: Letting go of the dreams that can never be
Top of head: As I move toward healing.

Eyebrow: I’m ready to let go of this pain that I’m feeling
Outside eye: Because I really want to feel better
Under eye: I’m releasing the sadness from every cell of my body
Under nose: As I leave the grief about the end of my marriage behind
Chin: Transforming all that negative energy
Collar bone: Into an energy of peace and healing
Under arm: Letting go of the last of my sadness and grief
Top of head: And feeling much more at peace with myself.

Want to learn about how to use EFT to make your life better?
Visit my website: Seeking Serenity and download the FREE ebook Tapping Away Your Problems.

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Recently I got a phone call from the distraught mother of a potential groom. This mother called me because her son was supposed to get married in just a few days, and was suddenly getting cold feet and telling his mom that he wasn’t sure he could go through with it.

Her first question to her son was “Do you love her?”, referring to her soon to be daughter in law. The answer was an immediate YES! The next question was “So what’s the problem?”.

It turned out that the problem was her son’s doubts about himself. What if he failed miserably at marriage? What if he was a terrible husband? What if he couldn’t make his wife happy? What if he went though all this big wedding stuff, and ended up getting a divorce? As his wedding day drew near, he was feeling more and more inadequate about his ability to be the kind of husband that he wanted to be.

The nervous bridegroom was scared to death that he would let down the woman of his dreams, the woman that he loved with all his heart.

His anxious mother asked if I would be willing to do a session with her son as soon as possible. Once I had determined that she had spoken with her son about EFT and he was open to doing a session, I said yes.

As we began our session, and the bridegroom spoke about his feelings, we began tapping on:

“Even though I love ________ with all my heart, I’m really scared that I’ll let her down…”

“Even though I really want to marry _________ I’m afraid that I won’t be the husband that she wants me to be….”

“Even though I’m scared that this marriage could end in a divorce, and I really want it to work…”

The bridegroom started to feel a bit more relaxed, and spoke about the thoughts that had come up during those rounds of tapping, so we moved on from there.

“Even though I feel like a phony sometimes, and I’m not sure I’m the person that ________ thinks I am…”

“Even though I’d rather die than to hurt or disappoint ___________…”

Next we worked on some reframing of the situation.

“Even though I’m afraid that I’m not going to live up to _________’s expectations, I’m willing to consider that I could be wrong about that, and maybe I’ll be a great husband for her…”

“Even though I’m wondering if I’m really the right man for ___________, I’m open to the possibility that maybe I’m exactly the right man for her, and we’ll have a great marriage…”

“Even though I seem to be focused on all my shortcomings, I know that __________ loves me and sees a lot more good in me than I see in myself, and I’m willing to try looking at myself through her eyes…”

As things started to shift for the reluctant bridegroom, he started feeling better about himself, and much less nervous about the upcoming marriage ceremony.

We worked for a bit on building his self confidence, and on helping him to take his focus off the negative and put it on the positive. We ended on a positive note:

“Even though I’m still a little nervous about the wedding, I know that it’s the right thing for me to do, and I really love _________ and I know she loves me, and this is going to be a wonderful turning point in our lives…”

The day after the wedding I got a thank you phone call from the mother of the groom. She told me that although he had a few butterflies, he went through the entire wedding and reception with a big smile on his face, and the entire family was now looking forward to this new chapter in their lives.

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Not liking ourselves is an issue for many of us. Even though we may project a different face to the world, deep down inside far too many of us don’t like ourselves very much. It seems to always be easier to find things to criticize about ourselves than to find things to praise.

How often have you found yourself making some kind of silly mistake, and then saying to yourself, inside your head, “You big idiot!”? Self talk is a definite indicator of how well we like or don’t like ourselves. Those instantaneous reactions that we have to the things we say and do are coming straight from our subconscious, and are indicative of our true feelings about ourselves.

I have often thought that if I judged the people around me as harshly as I judge myself, I wouldn’t have any friends! lowselfesteemNobody would tolerate the kind of comments that I make about myself, and yet it’s commonplace for me to belittle myself in that way.

For so many of us, we have expectations for friends, family and loved ones that are much more reasonable than the expectations that we have for ourselves.  We are vigilant, subconsciously, always watching for the things we do and say that, according to our rigid and unrealistic expectations, are not acceptable.  When we don’t meet our expectations, we’re quick with the self criticism, not ever giving ourselves an inch of slack.

With EFT, we can reach that inner critic and quiet that voice.

Wouldn’t you like to feel better about yourself, to genuinely like who you are?  Give this tapping script a try!

Tapping Script For Learning to Like Yourself

Setup – Karate chop:

  • Even though I don’t like myself very much and I find it hard to see the good parts of me, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
  • Even though it always seems much easier to see the things that I don’t like about myself, and to beat myself over the head about those things, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.
  • Even though I’m much harder on me than I am on anyone else I know, and I’m really getting tired of that critic inside my head, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and I recognize that it might be time to start cutting myself some slack.

Reminder Phrases:

Eyebrow: I don’t like myself very much
Outside eye: I’m my own worst critic
Under eye: I’ve convinced myself
Under nose: That there isn’t much I do right
Chin: I spend lots of time criticizing myself
Collar bone: About every little thing I say and do
Under arm: How can I like me and feel good about me
Top of head: When I find fault with everything I do?

Eyebrow: I’m starting to feel that I’m being much too hard on myself
Outside eye: I would never talk to my friends the way I talk to me
Under eye: Why can’t I see all the good things I say and do?
Under nose: Because I know in my heart that I’m a good person
Chin: I’m considering that it might be time to fire that critic inside my head
Collar bone: Or maybe I just need to give that critic a new job
Under arm: Instead of picking me apart all day long
Top of head: Maybe I can have that critic help me to see the good parts of me.

Eyebrow: Starting to release that feeling of not liking myself
Outside eye: Choosing to focus on the positive instead of the negative
Under eye: I know that I’m way too hard on myself
Under nose: I’m firing that inner critic once and for all
Chin: Continuing to let go of the feeling of not liking me
Collar bone: And realizing that I need to accept and love myself
Under arm: In order to love others and have them love me
Top of head: Feeling so much better about me.

Would you like a free MP3 tap-along of this script? Download it here:
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