Don’t Take It Personally!

In a perfect world, we all would be calm and serene, and our interactions with others would always be kind and considerate, as would their interactions with us. Sadly, this is not a perfect world.

We all have days when we get up on the wrong side of the bed, or when something upsetting or stressful has happened, and we just can’t let go of it.  Just as we have those kinds of days, so do all the people that we interact with — family, friends, coworkers, neighbors.  Even the most thoughtful of people can find themselves being short with someone else because they’ve had a bad day.  It happens.

Wen someone else is inconsiderate, thoughtless or downright rude with us, it’s easy to go to a place of annoyance, anger, or hurt and to find yourself muttering something like “I didn’t do anything to deserve that.  ________ really hurt my feelings”.  You may be a “give as good as I get” kind of person, and lash out.  It’s doesn’t help..it just makes things more difficult.

When you find yourself in this kind of situation, why not step back and try to see the situation through the eyes of the other person?  Did your son or daughter just get pushed around by the neighborhood bully?  Did your husband have a run-in with his boss?  Did your neighbor just find out that his/her job is in jeopardy?  Wouldn’t you be upset if you were in that situation?

It’s entirely possible that the best thing you could do for all concerned is to step back with a smile, and with the understanding that what happened may have had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with whatever situation is going on in that person’s life.

There is a difference, though, between choosing to not point the finger, and allowing people to walk all over you.  If you know of something going on in the other person’s life, that may give you the motivation to not engage them in an angry or confrontational way.  If you have no idea what might be going on, give that person the benefit of the doubt.  If the behavior happens again, maybe you could try talking to that person and trying to sort things out.

Most important is not to assume that you’re being attacked verbally or insulted in some way.  You have bad days, I have bad days, we all have bad days.  I wouldn’t like having anyone assume the worst about me on one of my bad days.  I’m usually a kind person, but a financial problem or an argument with a friend or family member might have pushed me over the edge emotionally.  Bottom line..give others the consideration that you would like to have extended to yourself.

Tapping Script For Not Taking Things Personally

Setup – Karate Chop:

• Even though I’m sometimes quick to jump to the conclusion that others are passing judgment on me, I’m ready for that to change, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
• Even though what happened really hurt my feelings, I’m open to the idea that ________ might have been having a bad day, or might be feeling upset or stressed, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself.
• Even though I’m upset with __________ right now, I’m willing consider letting go of that feeling, and bringing some healing to this, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Reminders:

Eyebrow: I’m really upset with __________
Side of eye: _________ didn’t have to act the way he/she did
Under eye: It was insulting
Under nose: It was upsetting
Chin: I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment
Collar bone: When someone hurts me that way
Under arm: Sometimes I feel like hurting them right back
Top of head: Maybe it’s time to bring some peace to this.

Eyebrow: I don’t like being treated that way
Side of eye: But maybe _________ was just having a bad day
Under eye: It felt very personal when it happened
Under nose: But maybe there was nothing personal about it
Chin: I’m ready to start letting go of some of this hurt
Collar bone: I’m ready to move toward healing
Under arm: Starting to release those hurt feelings
Top of head: Transforming that hurt to an energy of peace.

Eyebrow: Breathing out more and more of the hurt
Side of eye: Feeling my body start to relax
Under eye: I’m ready to cut ________ some slack
Under nose: And to move on from there
Chin: Continuing to release those hurt feelings
Collar bone: I’m feeling better about myself
Under arm: And I’m feeling better about _________ too
Top of head: Tranforming the last of the hurt into a healing energy.

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Visit my website at Seeking Serenity.

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Tapping Away The Holiday Blues With EFT

The holidays can be a wonderful time of year, full of love and happiness and family and friends.  The holidays can also be difficult, if all is not well in your life.  If you’re having people problems, money problems, health problems or pretty much any kind of problem and just can’t seem to connect with any holiday spirit, EFT can help to move you to a better place.

Christmas is a perfect time to celebrate and give thanks for all the positive things going on in your life.  Your initial reaction to that statement might be along the lines of “Are you kidding?  My life stinks!”.  If that was your response, you are focused on the negatives in your life, and completely ignoring the positives.  Wouldn’t you feel better about yourself and about life in general if you could turn that around, and recognize that your glass is really half full, not half empty?  EFT can help you to make that change.

If you’re feeling sorry for yourself because your salary doesn’t allow for extras, and you won’t be able to spend a lot on Christmas, how about considering how many people are out of work, and don’t have any salary at all?  You may not be rich, but if you have a regular paycheck and can take care of the basics, you’re in much better shape than all of those who are unemployed.

Perhaps you’ve recently gone through a divorce, have lost a close friend, or have moved to a new area where you don’t know anyone yet.  You’re feeling very isolated and lonely as Christmas approaches.  You may still be acutely feeling that loss, but there really are different and better ways of looking at the situation.  This is the start of a new chapter in your life, with infinite possibilities.  Instead of looking back and grieving the loss, how about trying to look ahead at your new beginning with anticipation and excitement?

Christmas is a time when family conflicts tend to bubble to the surface.  You may have had a falling out with a family member that would normally be a part of your celebration, but won’t be there this year.  You may be spending more time with a family member that is difficult to cope with, with feelings of stress and anger building by the day.  When there are conflicts within the family, there is nearly always some guilt associated with those conflicts.  After all, this is your family, and you’re all supposed to love each other and get along, right?

The Christmas holidays are often a time when we have unrealistic expectations for 0urselves and others.  Many people look forward to the “perfect family Christmas” and ignore the fact that there isn’t much in life that’s perfect.  Expecting to have the “perfect Christmas dinner” or to receive the “perfect Christmas gift” is unrealistic, and you are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Why not lower your expectations, and accept that we’re all just human, just sort of go with the flow, recognizing that just as you have holiday stressors, so do all your family members?

The tapping scripts below was created to help you deal with the various issues that arise during the holidays, and to find positives where you formerly found only negatives. They are each meant to be a starting point. Add your own words and feelings as appropriate.

Christmas Blues Tapping Scripts: Choose the one(s) appropriate for you!

Finances: Setup — Karate chop:

• Even though I wish I had enough money to buy terrific presents for the people I love, I know in my heart that Christmas isn’t about money or gifts, and I’m making a choice to enjoy this Christmas and to be grateful for what I have, and not worry about what I don’t have, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.

Reminders:

• Eyebrow: I wish I had more money to spend on Christmas
• Outside eye: But I know that Christmas really isn’t about money
• Under eye: People won’t love me less if I don’t buy them expensive gifts
• Under nose: Loved ones around me, a beautiful Christmas dinner
• Chin: I can take great joy from those precious things
• Collar bone: I’m making a choice to celebrate Christmas in the best way I can
• Under arm: I’m letting go of those feelings that I have to spend money for Christmas to be good
• Top of head: And I’m embracing the knowledge that Christmas can be joyful, even without money or gifts.

Family Conflicts: Setup — Karate chop:

• Even though ___________ is getting on my last nerve this Christmas, and I’m find it hard to enjoy and celebrate the holiday, I know that ____________ has demands on him/her too, and maybe I should be a bit more patient and accepting with him/her, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and __________ .

Reminders:

• Eyebrow: _________ is really getting on my nerves
• Outside eye: I’m angry because I feel like he/she is ruining my Christmas
• Under eye: I’m open to the idea that I’m being too hard on ________
• Under nose: Maybe it’s time to cut _________ some slack
• Chin: And while I’m at it, maybe I should cut myself some slack too
• Collar bone: I’m ready to start letting go of this anger
• Under arm: A little at a time, in a way that feels comfortable to me
• Top of head: Letting go of the anger and bringing some healing to this

Loneliness:  Setup — Karate chop:

• Even though I’m feeling lonely and isolated this holiday season, I’m open to the idea that there are actions I can take to interact with others, and I choose to seek out and celebrate the positive things in my life, and to start letting go of those feelings of loneliness, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.

Reminders:

• Eyebrow: I feel so all alone at Christmas
• Outside eye: Nobody to celebrate with except myself
• Under eye: But maybe I need to take another look at this situation
• Under nose: Maybe I can participate in holiday activities and meet new people
• Chin: Maybe I can reconnect with people from my past
• Collar bone: There ARE things I can do to change this
• Under arm: I’m going to do my best to make this a good Christmas
• Top of head: I’m going to stop feeling sorry for myself, and celebrate

Unrealistic Expectations:  Setup — Karate Chop:

• Even though I have high expectations for myself and others in my life this Christmas, I’m open to the idea that those expectations may be unrealistic, and I’m ready to embrace more realistic expectations, and to stop being so hard on myself and my loved ones, and I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and others just as we are.

Reminders:

• Eyebrow: I’m not cutting anyone any slack this Christmas
• Outside eye: Not even myself
• Under eye: I expect this to be a perfect Christmas
• Under nose: But is there really such a thing?
• Chin: I’m open to the possibility that this can be a good Christmas
• Collar bone: Without being perfect
• Under arm: Maybe I can just relax and enjoy the holiday
• Top of head: And take all that pressure off myself and everyone else

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Visit my website at Seeking Serenity.

Download the FREE ebook EFT Quick Reference here.

Have a wonderful Christmas, and thanks very much for reading my blog.

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Inner Theater and EFT – A Winning Combination

The Inner Theater technique involves the client using EFT and visual imagery in a way which allows them to approach highly emotionally charged memories that is non-threatening to the client and is less traumatic than some more traditional approaches.

With Inner Theater, a client creates a safe place in their mind/imagination — an inner sanctuary of sorts in which they have total control. Nobody can enter that sanctuary without their permission, and nothing can happen in that space that they don’t wish to have happen.

Clients are encouraged to give their imagination free reign, and to “go with the flow”, and not try to analyze what happens as this imagery plays out.  Things seem to evolve very naturally and easily when using Inner Theater, and the solutions flow just as easily.  If a client can trust in the process, they will find EFT and Inner Theater to be powerful tools for change and healing.

I have found inner Theater to be an effective technique for me personally, although I don’t consider myself to be a particularly visual person. Even if you can’t actually create a picture in your mind, so long as you can imagine the picture/scene, the technique works. Continuous tapping, without specific words, is often a part of my Inner Theater sessions.

Using Inner Theater, you have all the power, and you can transform even the most frightening things in your past into something less threatening and easier to work with using traditional EFT.

For instance, if you carry a lot of fear related to incidents in your past, think about what it would take to make you feel safe. In an Inner Theater session of my own, during which I worked with a skilled EFT practitioner experienced in Inner Theater, I addressed all the fear that I had due to a history of physical abuse.  Unable to confront the fear directly, I visualized myself projecting the fear outside of my body, and I magically transformed it into a gray, swirling mist. As I continuously tapped, that mist became a small tornado, and the faster it swirled, the smaller it got. Finally the fear was reduced to a lump of coal.

I tapped on my need to feel safe, and realized that I still had some work to do. I visualed putting that piece of coal into a trunk, covering it with chains and locks, and transporting it to a faraway location. Next I buried the trunk, surrounded it with a high fence, topped with razor wire, and surrounded it with fierce guards.

Another way that I have personally used EFT and Inner Theater is to deal with guilt. I was carrying a lot of guilt about my mothering abilities, and that guilt was constantly pricking at me. When I thought about how I pictured the guilt, I got a mental image of me laying on a bed of nails. Each nail represented a time that I felt I had failed my children. Every time I moved, the nails would prick me. How could I get off of that bed of nails? I tapped continuously as I pondered that, and gradually got a picture of the nails transforming into soft blades of grass, gently cushioning me. The guilt diminished, and I could feel the emotional intensity of this issue dropping as I continued to tap.

Next I pictured a conversation between my daughter and I.  I expressed my guilt about the way in which I had raised her, and I apologized. Her response was “You’re a great mom, and I’m lucky to have you!” (Something she had actually said to me). I tapped on those very positive statements, and the level of my guilt dropped even more, while my confidence about what kind of mother I’d been increased.

EFT and Inner Theater can be used in a multitude of ways, with your only limits being those of your imagination. If you can think it and picture it, you can work on it, so why not give a try?

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